In Denial

Denial is an ugly word. I don't even like the way it looks on the computer, it almost taste bad too. I know that I'm in denial right now about my weight. I guess with everyone starting "healthy goals" for the New Year I'm faced with it everywhere I look. From the TV to the internet. Tonight when I was posting pictures from our game night that we hosted at our house, I came across a photo that someone took of me, my side profile- a full body profile mind you. Whew, I looked at it and had to look again- it's like a train wreck, you just can't look away. I have that feeling when I walk in the mall that the skinny girls are saying "oh God please let me never be that fat!" It's a terrible feeling, and then tonight when I see my photo, not my best side by any means I get sick to my stomach. I know that I can eliminate all bad food from my diet, that is not the issue- I have to be willing to do the whole package- eat right, move more- and have goals. Not just dreams! I want to wake up skinny... it just won't happen.

I did have a good day though- I laid around the first part of the morning. AF came to visit and knocked me off my feet. Once the afternoon rolled around, Chris came home from work (he worked 1/2 a day today, so he can take off early on Friday since it's our Anniversary!) Once he got home we were suppose to go to Gulfport for the night, but a few places were closed that we needed to go to, so we decided to have a Game night here at the house for the youth. We sent out an invite at 3 and said they had to rsvp by 4. Chris left at 5 to go get food and we had the food ready by 7 and a dozen people here to enjoy it. I love hosting people in our home, it makes me feel so good. That is until I found the picture of myself- bleh- now I'm feeling like I need to wash my face and create a better fitness plan. I did dance to two songs tonight on the wii, and I cleaned my house- so that is movement!

My time with Jesus was short, but it was there. I'm thankful that I had some quiet time today before getting out of bed! I'm praying that I can begin to crave the things of God more than the things of this world and more than food! I want to be so hungry for God that I can't even think about food.

Tomorrow I need to set up my quick-books for the 2012 year. I want to stay on top of that this year. No need in getting behind before the month gets out from under me. I know it's only day 2, but surely as I am typing, this year will go by fast too.

I have no exact plans for Tuesday- I think I will venture to the eye glasses store to have Chloe's glasses repaired, and maybe try Sam's club for my family photo that I need printed. Then if I'm not wore out, possibly take the kids to the new library. They will have 8 pm bedtime, so I need to plan according to that schedule. I'm sad that they will start back to school on Wednesday. I was not ready for break to be over. At least we have a break for Mardi Gras and for Spring Break/Easter. I love being with my kids.... even if they do frustrate me from time to time! I would rather be with them than home alone or at a workplace!  Well my time is up, and my face still needs to be washed. I don't want to leave the comfort my bed, but I need to keep my face clean- though I cried off my make up while I was cooking tonight- peeling onions made my eyes water like crazy. The teenage boys thought it was funny! I can't cut an onion without crying. I also can't watch a parade without crying- I watched a few minutes of the Rose Parade today and teared up a few times! So silly. Not sure why I get emotional over parades! Okay goodnight all!!!